A little down and out..

Feeling a little down and out...hopefully this too will pass. I try really hard in my life not to feel this way. I try everything to get me out of this funk. I have struggled all my life with depression and I have decided to stop. I can not control my fate, I can only say thank you to god for taking me on this path with him. It might not be the path I believe I need to be on and sometimes might want to might a make a u-turn but it's the path that he has choosen, and I will follow him. I have realized that he shows me things when I least expect it to show up. Last night I felt myself slipping away, not physically but emotionally. I was watching a movie last night and saw a woman very pregnant and just lost it. I have wanted to feel that way so bad that just the thought that it won't be happening due to finacial woes just broke my heart into a thousand little pieces. I know that I should be grateful for the blessed daughter(s) that he has brought into to my life, yet I feel a little anxiety when I see a pregnant woman or a new born baby. I hate feeling this way, I want to enjoy my almost three year old baby girl. But I look at her and want to give her a sibling so bad. Why do I need this, why do I feel this way. I ask god every night where's this message or when will I recieve the answer. But I know that is not the way he works. When he is ready he will let me know......

so I am trying to see yellow and the light to brighten up this darkness.